Dear Inconsiderate Motorist
At first, sir or madame, I was quite infuriated that you scratched my automobile with your undoubtedly obscenely oversized truck or sports utility vehicle (for nothing else could possibly scratch where you did).
After further thought, though, I must thank you for not committing the act, thereby demonstrating poor control of your motor vehicle and careless abandon and disregard for your fellow motorist’s property.
I am sure, beyond a doubt, that if I had been present then at best I would have challenged you to (and surely won) a gentleman’s duel (assuming you are capable of gentlemanly behaviour) or I would now be in the custody of the law under charges of violence most severe.
Safe travels,
Jeremy